One too many days of Christmas?

So the festive season is nearly here, there are Christmas displays in shop windows and the build-up has well and truly begun.

Whilst this for many is a happy time of year the added stress and debt can put strain on relationships and cracks may start to appear or become more apparent for those who are not used to spending long periods with their partner or children.

The constant planning and pressure for everything to be perfect can leave couples at breaking point and it is a sad fact that reports of Domestic Violence and people seeking advice for relationship breakdown often double in the post-Christmas period.

With the recession still in force, this year may seem particularly difficult for many but nobody wants to suffer upset at Christmas so how can you try to Christmas proof your relationship?

1. Keep a check on your alcohol consumption – excessive alcohol can frequently lead to people being more aggressive/argumentative or expressing views that they may later regret – alcohol and the pressure of a family Christmas can be a disaster

2. Agree a budget for each family member or for the children and stick to it – financial pressures are one of the biggest strains at Christmas and can be source of many arguments, even in to the New Year when debts need to be paid off

3. If you’re struggling, refusing to speak to one another, whether that is because you simply can’t bear it or because you fear it will cause a row, will see tensions build – try and clear the air about issues as quickly as possible and away from family members.

4. Perspective – with the added stress and pressure the smallest of things can become a source of major irritation. Stand back and count to 10, is it that big an issue? If it is then speak about it, if not, let it go.

It is rare that Christmas is the cause for a relationship breaking down but it can magnify cracks in a relationship and be the last straw – if that is the case, seek out specialist advice in the New Year and remember that friends may be well meaning but they are frequently wrong or influenced by their own experiences.

For those couples already separated, particularly with children, the issue of how to deal with Christmas can raise other difficulties, here are a few tips to help…

1. If you have recently separated, or even if you have been for some time, rely on your friends and family for support. Surrounding yourself with close friends will lift your mood and stop you dwelling on matters.

2. Make Christmas your own – often when there are children involved, a family will have certain traditions done each year. Don’t focus on what has always been done, make your own traditions and memories and move forward

3. Forget the emotion – maybe you are still processing emotions from the breakdown of your marriage/relationship try not to let your children sense that over Christmas. Remember this, as long as children see both of their parents over the Christmas period they won’t be too concerned about who they see on Christmas Day – Christmas starts when the presents start and ends when the presents end – who said Santa can’t leave their presents in 2 houses?

4. Communication is key – when you separate there will be all sorts of emotions to process and you will both be feeling them, not necessarily the same ones at the same time. Communicating with your ex about Christmas presents, arrangements etc. will enable you and the children to have an enjoyable break.