Adultery & Divorce

I was thinking about this issue the other day, after a client had mentioned to me that she had discovered that her husband had been sending less than appropriate messages to another women and that she had plans to arrange for him to be “caught out” by effectively turning up at his hotel room door.

I advised her to stay well clear of any hotel room doors and there was certainly enough other aspects of his behaviour that she could use to formulate a Petition, which was the course she was set on.

In the end she conceded and agreed that however strong and indignant she felt now, that would soon be forgotten when she was faced with the reality.

But it led me to thinking about adultery in the context of Divorce proceedings and whether it’s worth it – not the adultery (which almost never is!) but relying on it to issue proceedings.

Don’t get me wrong, certainly there may well be times when there has been no other “behaviour” to rely upon and adultery may well be the only feasible option or where it might be important to prove adultery – perhaps for some cultural reason or where a pre-nuptial agreement might be affected.

The majority of cases, however, will involve some other behaviour by the Respondent, perhaps a distancing from family life, a lack of affection or physical relationship, a lack of emotional support etc.  The behaviour might well be as a result of the Respondent conducting an extra marital affair (not always!) but all of it can be used to issue a Petition based on behaviour and not adultery.

But why is that better.....well adultery must be proven or admitted in order for a Divorce to progress on that basis. If the Respondent is not likely to co-operate in proceedings and actively admit his/her adultery then proof it will have to be.

The sexual act of adultery is what must be proven – an inappropriately close relationship is not sufficient! That makes it very difficult (and costly) to prove – not least in terms of emotional cost.

So is it necessary to rely on adultery…..sometimes tactically and sometimes morally but my advice would always be to consider another option, especially if your spouse is not likely to co-operate!