How to Survive a Divorce...

With divorces in England and Wales having increased by nearly 5% to 2010 here are my tips for surviving the process.

1. Know your priorities
Once you have made the difficult decision to separate take legal advice about your next steps from a Solicitor that you can trust. You may be worried about the process as a whole and there may be a lot of information given to you at the outset but focusing on more immediate issues first, such as your housing and immediate income position will allow you time to deal with settling the other issues. Having clear aims throughout the process will keep you on track and focused.

2. Be emotional but don’t let emotion rule.
Acknowledge the emotions that you feel throughout the process, be those fear, stress, sadness, anger or worry. Surround yourself with friends and speak with them about your emotions but don’t allow those emotions to rule your decision making process. Hasty action based on your emotions will see your costs and the acrimony of your case increase. Remember that all Divorces are different and be careful about advice given to you by well-meaning people on the basis of their own experiences - always speak to your Solicitor.

3. Focus on the issues that will make a difference
There may be many points that, out of principle, you wish to make and, whilst you should speak to your Solicitor about them all, don't forget to take advice about those issues that are relevant in terms of settlement and those that will make a difference to your case. Be pragmatic - raising every point out of principle may make you feel good briefly but it will increase your costs which and that good feeling that you had won't last long.

4. Make progress
Divorce is a process and whether it takes 6 months or 2 years, there are rarely any quick fixes. It is important that some progress is made to allow both parties to move on but this should be at a comfortable pace for you.  However you wish for your case to be handled it is important always to consider that litigation and correspondence lasting years can drain you emotionally and financially and whilst no progress is made you may feel as though you have been left in limbo. Ensure that you are happy about the progress made throughout so that you and your spouse can move on.

5. Make any final settlement just that, final
After the Divorce process has run its course and a final settlement reached, try to draw a line under matters and look forward. Acknowledging the good times in your marriage and taking steps towards your future plans is the best way to move forward.